A few nights ago I called my eldest brother in desperation, I needed some empathy in my life and I knew he was the one to give it to me. Though he did not tell me exactly what I wanted to hear, he did enlighten me. He brought to my attention that the world truly is m oyster and I can go and do whatever I want and still be a good person.
See, I have always thought there were certain paths you had to take in order to get to what I wanted, which is a family and to be with my Heavenly Father and Saviour in the next life. But really, there are several good paths to take that can get you to that spot. I can be single and happy and truly experience life. I don't have to wait for such and such to happen in order for me to be happy. I don't have to be a certain size or have a man to take full advantage of my life and be happy. I can simply be happy and experience a lot of great things right here and now. I can travel. I can write a book. I can learn to play the guitar. I can go to Brazil and plant trees. I can do anything I put my mind to. I can and therefore I will.
It seems that up to this point in my life I have been building walls. One after another, I build and build and build and for what?! Why do I build these walls? I suppose to keep me safe from what's on the other side. But what is on the other side? There are so many walls that I don't even remember what is on the other side and I'm thinking there might be some great things on the other side and there might be some not so great things, but that's what life is for, living, learning, and experiencing. I chose to follow the Lord's plan and because of that I have a body of flesh and blood. I can feel both sorrow and happiness. I can experience things and feel things...there are souls out there that will never receive that opportunity because they chose to follow another man's plan. But I chose wisely and so I need to take advantage of this life. I need to live now and tear down these walls that keep me from living and feeling and experiencing. I am not going to go crazy and leave behind all my ethics and values, no. But I am going to continue to live them and share them and take each moment I am leant and live it to the fullest. There is so much more beyond what I know and see...so I need to go out there and take advantage of what the Lord has given me...and it will probably be then when I will find what I desire most, a husband and a family of my own.
3 comments:
I love that you want to live life to the fullest. I've had a lot of experiences that have made me better prepared for what I'm doing now, and I wouldn't have had those experiences if I had gotten married earlier than I did. If I read this entry correctly, walls can kind of be interpreted as fears (?) and fear does little more than paralyze. Your quest to pursue, to do, and experience is quite the opposite and most definitely the best way to eliminate those walls. You are awesome. Thank you for documenting you journey for us to read.
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I love you Crystal...that's all I can say because that's what I feel...thanks for being a great friend and I'm just so grateful we have this blog community to keep us in better contact...it's all about keeping connected with those you love...
You really should train to run the half marathon - especially if your parents are coming up here that week any way - you can do it! (I know I'm obsessed, but I want the insanity to be contagious darn it!)
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